It's a ...

baby!
If you haven't heard by now, we're having another baby. Friday I had my 20-week ultrasound. We decided not to find out the gender this time, but it was still fun to see him/her. At both ultrasounds (this and the 12 week one) the baby has been very active. It's a wiggler! I'm finally feeling better, although I still have some nausea. I can eat more normally--even treats and junk food a little. They have been making me sick, which I guess is a good thing. I usually crave salad, cheese and Chick-fil-a (chicken strips with sauce). Being older, the kids have been so fun about the baby this time. We are all really excited to meet the newest member of our family.

And now for an update on the rest of the kids...since it's been awhile.
I asked Audrey the other day if she was 2 and she yelled, "no." Dead give away, my dear. She still loves babies. She'll be a big helper when the baby comes. She likes to put an "e" sound on the end of one syllable words. So it's vanny, beddy, Paulie, Sammy, etc. She swings back and forth between being fiercely independent and completely helpless. She is very nurturing and likes to help in the kitchen. She attended her first birthday party for her friend Zoey. She was excited about her present and did a good job with the crafts and playing with the older girls. She's becoming more social and asks to go to the store often. I need to organize more outings and play dates for her. She loves pink and always wants the pink plate, cup, shirt, etc. She loves to sing and has a lovely little voice.

Sam graduated preschool and is looking forward to Kindergarten. He's very ready to go. He loves books  and is starting to read. I hope he will love to read as much as I do. Sam lives in bionicle world. He has been collecting the Lego Hero Factory guys (bionicles as he calls them) and he builds them, watches online videos, and invents stories about them all day. He is still very imaginative and also content to lounge in his pjs at home all day. He is playing soccer again this spring and scored his first goal last week. Mostly it involves him running around like a super-hero and anticipating treat time. Sam is very affectionate and my snuggler.

Paul is having a great year in first grade. His confidence is growing and he even played the piano at the talent show, followed by an encore performance on his pogo stick. We were very proud of his last report card. He made improvements in his hand writing and his teacher wrote, "Paul has amazing math skills. He is the only one to get 100% on the fluency test." He scored above the 90th percentile in math computation. He decided to try basketball this spring and is enjoying it so far. He is losing teeth, eating as much as me and finally gets to wear shorts and abandon his winter coat. He's counting down the days to summer.

Empowerment

My blog has become very boring. I keep thinking about writing more, but I just haven't. So, here's to giving that a shot. Lately I've been thinking about empowerment, especially in terms of being a woman and what that means to me in my life. I was inspired by the following women and their stories of courage and empowerment:

Elizabeth Smart

Rebecca Musser

To me empowerment means having a voice and making choices. Both of those women had those things taken from them for a time, but were able to survive and now use their voice to help others.

I have struggled in my life from time to time with having a voice and making choices. Sometimes my fear of making a wrong choice has made me feel paralyzed. I'd like to think I am making progress though. I am trying not to be afraid of my own voice and I am learning that it's ok to make mistakes.

I can see evidence of this in my decisions with this pregnancy. When I had Paul I went to the only OB in the small town where we lived. He was an old-school doctor about to retire. He was not kind. I did not like him. I did whatever the hospital or doctor/nurses told me to do. I felt they knew best and I had very little experience. Although everything went well and I had a healthy baby, I did not come away from the experience feeling empowered.

Sam's birth was much different. After Paul's birth I gave up on male OBs and any doctor about to retire. I loved my doctor with Sam and most of the nurses were great. I had a natural birth with him and felt very empowered by that. Still there were things that happened with the hospital staff that were not ok, but again I just did what I was told.

With Audrey I knew what kind of birth I wanted and tried to make that clear. I liked my doctor, but she and the hospital staff did not listen to me and I did not want to cause trouble, so again I went along with what they told me to do. I have since learned that that particular hospital is very "medical" and was not the best choice for a natural birth. I did not like the way I was treated there, even though I did get to have a natural birth.

So this time round I was going to go with the clinic where I'd been going for annual exams and such. Then I realized that the receptionists are usually cranky and it's a big clinic where I often have to wait to be seen and there's not a whole lot of personalized attention/care. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I looked into a birth center and loved it. I was set on going there, but realized that with our insurance it would cost a lot more. Plus Jeremy was supportive, but had some concerns about it not being a hospital. I found a midwife close to our house that delivers at a hospital. Although I was disappointed about giving up the birth center, I feel really comfortable with my decision. My midwife is great and the clinic is small so I never have to wait. I get lots of personal attention and we have discussed my past birth experiences and my current birth plan. Although there are still some things I don't like about the hospital procedures, I will probably get to have more things my way (i.e. no induction, no IV, snacks, a tub, a natural birth without laying flat or my feet in stirrups, leaving early) as long as everything goes well. Already I feel more confident and I am glad I was able to speak up and make my own choices about what I want, even though it took me awhile to figure that out.

Happy Easter

What a lovely Easter we had. I wish I had taken some pictures of dinner--it was delicious. We bought an entire pig from a local butcher a few months ago and Jeremy cooked up a tasty ham. I love Easter dinner.

I spoke at church and it was an opportunity to reflect on my personal testimony of life after death, Jesus Christ's resurrection and what I am looking forward to at the resurrection.

Here are some of the few photos we took:

neighborhood egg hunt

Audrey's new pink stroller

family shot after church